In the last two decades there is a rising trend and popularity of general self-reflection, mindfulness and post modern deconstruction of identity. I think this is a positive trend, as even the bare acknowledgement of different lived realities and experiences leads to less misunderstandings, perceived, accidental and real aggressiveness. A mutual understanding and context giving is necessary to get along.

But - as a side remark - no one is responsible to educate strangers on their behavior, and there should be some neutral approach to general interaction ( I will also not explore cultural relativism here). I am not sure I should keep those tangents, but whatever.

I'll stay abstract in regards to the range of experiences and realities to share, as that is not something I feel comfortable writing about as my personal experiences are privileged.

And here we are already in the deconstruction I was promising in the beginning. The previous paragraphs are all me trying to make sense of my inter person surroundings. If it reads exhausting it is because it is. This approach is great for internal figuring-stuff-out but tend to overwhelm others when discussing direct behavior and lead to tangents as mentioned above and are drowning in complexity, where a small quick improvement or a promise to change would be better in the moment.

I have done this in the past when trying to explain my sometimes not nice behaviors to others, but in the end it did nothing to help. At best it provided some general explanation, some understanding about the why, but is that really helpful in the long term? After all the reality of a different person is already complicated enough, adding the full inner working of another person is a lot to ask for.

So going back to some chat logs I have and in general thinking about how I worked through some stuff, I think that in the future during those kind of discussions I will preface with the conclusion and change I want to do, or the promise to work it out first before going into a emotionally draining complexity spiral and maybe offer to get the full picture if desired.

I know this is all abstract and like meta self-reflection in itself but I don't think rolling out my private live publicly is helpful.

Going back to the title, I definitely used self-reflection as a defense mechanism trying to justify shitty behavior in the moment, basically deflecting to sometimes unrelated personal issues or using rhetoric to find angles in arguments that remove any guilt or agency.